Rx, SM

Surgeon Marta's 5 Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress

While the holidays are generally a time of festive merriment, the season can also be a huge source of ulcer inducing stress. The pressure and drama with family and friends, the crush and obligation of last minute spending, angry crowds and for many a LONG journey home can leave you reeling with anxiety and unrest.

That’s why SURGEON MARTA recommends the liberal application of the following Holiday Stress Busting Remedies...

Guinness Black in Blue 1) Alcohol
Sit back with a cold one! We initially called this The Black in Black but after Katie Taylor punched her way to Olympic Gold, we renamed it the Black & Blue. What is it you ask? Why, the simplest drink you ever mixed: Take one bottle of Guinness Draught and one bottle of Guinness Black Lager combine in a frosty mug for the steroidal oomph that the Stout World has been waiting for.
(TIP - Great refresher after fisticuffs with annoying sibling)
The Day of the Beast (Spanish: ‘El día de la Bestia’) 2) Holiday Movies
Tired of miracles on whatever fecking street or that damned Charlie kid and his lame tree? Neighbor too Grinch-y to share their Netflix account info? Relax, we have the perfect movie for you and it’s FREE! Álex de la Iglesia’s The Day of the Beast (Spanish: 'El día de la Bestia') is available in its entirety on YouTube and is hands-down THE BEST Christmas move EVER! (TIP – Gained the reputation as a notorious drinking game for every time you hear the word, “FUERTE!")
Dry Ice Water Bottle Bomb 3) Blow Shit Up
It’s been statically proven that loud bangs can improve your standing with younger siblings/cousins and nieces/nephews by 200%. Now assuming you have the adult credentials to conduct such an experiment, take one plastic bottle, mix with water and dry ice and stand WAY back for one hell of a, “Where did the bottle go?!?” explosion. (TIP - We in no way endorse the construction of said items and would remind readers that courtesy of the Patriot Act possession of such items will probably land you in the big house as a societal malcontent. Oh and you're gonna shoot your eye out.)
Horse Shit 4) Better Than Coal
Work for a real shit? Then send them a taste of their own medicine! Horse Shit on a Silver Platter delivered to their door anonymously. Click HERE for more details. (TIP – Don’t even think of sending this to us, we have a dry ice maker.)
Do You Say Your Prayers At Night? 5) Music
What better way to unwind and share the Xmas love then to give the gift of great music? Send your family, friends & relatives over to SurgeonMarta.com to sign up for FREE tunes, cool swag and blog advice for all that ails thee. (TIP – Dancing around the house naked covered in red goo absolutely enhances the listening experience... Aaaaoooogh! Rx, SM)

Surgeon Marta's 5 Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress
Surgeon Marta's 5 Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress

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