While the holidays are generally a time of festive merriment, the season can also be a huge source of ulcer inducing stress. The pressure and drama with family and friends, the crush and obligation of last minute spending, angry crowds and for many a LONG journey home can leave you reeling with anxiety and unrest.
That’s why SURGEON MARTA recommends the liberal application of the following Holiday Stress Busting Remedies...
Sit back with a cold one! We initially called this The Black in Black but after Katie Taylor punched her way to Olympic Gold, we renamed it the Black & Blue. What is it you ask? Why, the simplest drink you ever mixed: Take one bottle of Guinness Draught and one bottle of Guinness Black Lager combine in a frosty mug for the steroidal oomph that the Stout World has been waiting for.
(TIP - Great refresher after fisticuffs with annoying sibling)
|2) Holiday Movies
Tired of miracles on whatever fecking street or that damned Charlie kid and his lame tree? Neighbor too Grinch-y to share their Netflix account info? Relax, we have the perfect movie for you and it’s FREE! Álex de la Iglesia’s The Day of the Beast (Spanish: 'El día de la Bestia') is available in its entirety on YouTube and is hands-down THE BEST Christmas move EVER! (TIP – Gained the reputation as a notorious drinking game for every time you hear the word, “FUERTE!")
|3) Blow Shit Up
It’s been statically proven that loud bangs can improve your standing with younger siblings/cousins and nieces/nephews by 200%. Now assuming you have the adult credentials to conduct such an experiment, take one plastic bottle, mix with water and dry ice and stand WAY back for one hell of a, “Where did the bottle go?!?” explosion. (TIP - We in no way endorse the construction of said items and would remind readers that courtesy of the Patriot Act possession of such items will probably land you in the big house as a societal malcontent. Oh and you're gonna shoot your eye out.)
|4) Better Than Coal
Work for a real shit? Then send them a taste of their own medicine! Horse Shit on a Silver Platter delivered to their door anonymously. Click HERE for more details. (TIP – Don’t even think of sending this to us, we have a dry ice maker.)
What better way to unwind and share the Xmas love then to give the gift of great music? Send your family, friends & relatives over to SurgeonMarta.com to sign up for FREE tunes, cool swag and blog advice for all that ails thee. (TIP – Dancing around the house naked covered in red goo absolutely enhances the listening experience... Aaaaoooogh! Rx, SM)
like the fabled sirens of old this cat’s got claws!!" - The Lupine News
we're excited to share with you our first new release since Race To The Red!
Apparently in ancient times thirteen was regarded as a truly auspicious number. It's linked to lunar and goddess worship and represents luckiness, fertility, potency and good fortune. Oddly enough the Moon does have roughly thirteen revolutions around the earth in one year in addition to thirteen annual cycles.
Ultimately, it's just another day but here at SM, Hq we're running studies in Aural Quantum Manifestation. So we suggest turning up the music and rocking out on this planetary spaceship called Earth and remember... T.G.I.F
Did you know that this year's batch of Friday the 13th's are rather special? Not only are there 3 Friday the 13ths this year, (today, April 13 & July 13) but they're exactly 13 weeks apart. Last time that happened was back in 1984. University of Delaware math professor, Tom Fernsler, aka Dr. 13 tells us that while 3 friday the 13ths in one year happen every few years this years batch happen to fall during a leap year - something that won't happen again until 2040!
Anyway, whether you suffer from friggatriskaidekaphobia, paraskevidekatriaphobia or simply triskaidekaphobia here are some SM approved suggestions to help you over come your fears and start enjoying your Friday the 13ths...
1) Throw a Party: Celebrating the macabre is not just for goths and Halloween die-hards, a Friday the 13th themed party is a great excuse to leave work early, hang out with friends late and potentially put old superstitions to rest. Encourage guests to bring 13 of something , represent their favorite superstition or just have a Jason Voorhees movie marathon. (Ironically, Jason X is probably our favorite...) Still need inspiration? Check out the cool party Chicago's Anti-Superstition Society threw back in 1940!
2) Get a $13 Tattoo: This probably falls under the category of, "You get what you pay for..." but tattoo shops have been known to run sales on Friday the 13ths so if have you an affinity for the number 13 and cheap ink, head to you're local tat shack & get your haggle on.
3) Visit The Lower Jurassic: The Museum of Jurassic Technology is a beloved spot for us. Descriptions of the MJT will never do it justice as it's impossible to put this place into words and we've been there countless times. (Heck, we've even been privileged enough to get a behind the scenes peek and we're even more inthralled and perplexed then ever!) Needless to say visit, become a member, have some tea and be sure to check out their exhibit on old wives tales entitled, "Tell the Bees..."
4) Cross a Black Cats Path: It's surprising to know that black cats are still the last to get adopted and the first to get putdown at animal shelters. It's ridiculous that silly superstitions are keeping people away from saving these animals! Especially since black cats used to be considered the bringers of good luck to sailors, fishermen's wives and the ancient Egyptians, just to name a few. SM band-cat Waldoze's of Waldoze Coffee fame should be proof enough that a feline noir is a wonderful addition to any home.
5) Spill Some Salt: What's not to love about salt? You can pour it into a bath to relax, use it to sooth a bee sting, gargle with it, fill your shaker with it or just toss some over your shoulder. Whatever you do with it, be sure to let us know if you're cooking salt encrusted fish... we'll bring the amps and margarita mix.
6) Open an Umbrella Indoors: Here at SM Hq we're all about DIY. Particularly if it's in the name of unique costuming! So be brave, pop one open and release your inner bat, jellyfish, octopus, Electric Daisy Carnival attendee, whatever... All's fair in roleplay, cosplay and recycling!
7) Quadruple Your Luck: If having a single rabbit's foot brings good luck then having four must multiply your luckiness, right? Well then why not adopt a rabbit? Rabbit Match is a cool organization that helps find good homes for abandoned bunners. Seriously, what better way to protect yourself from a Friday the 13th and do some good karmic work then by helping out a bunny in need?
8) Break A Mirror: Don't waste a perfectly good broken mirror by throwing it away! Save yourself the 13 years bad luck and money by recycling it into something else... Disco Ball, crazy mosaic art or tricked-out electric guitar - your imagination is the only limit here!
9) Hang with the Dead: Why not spend the day visiting the final resting spots of deceased celebrities? Los Angeles obviously has quite a few dead spots as pointed out by Order of the Good Death's Caitlin Doughty. Really though, no matter where you are in the world, loitering in a cemetery can be fun.
10) Step on a Crack: Throw caution and the safety of your mother's back to the wind and step out in fabulous footwear! (Just be careful to keep your size 5's away from Vivian she has a bad shoe fetish.)
11) Get Your Gnostic On: The best way to deal with Friday the 13ths, let alone any superstition, ancient mythology or conspiracy theory is to do your research. Origins of Friday the 13th, The Secret Sun, and Conspiracy XX are all good starting points. (Just don't blame us if you find yourself covering the walls in tinfoil...)
12) Leave a Penny: or two or three thousand... You can't argue with the cool feeling of knowing that you've done something good. Support your favorite charity, public radio station, independently owned business or (*cough cough*) medical sci-fi indie punk band today! (Check out our Hoka-Hoka page to see some of our favorites.)
13) Have a Happy Friday the 13th:
In general it's fairly safe to say that Surgeon Marta has a couple of usual predilections but our favorites always seem to lie in the foggy crossroads of scientific study and the esoteric unknown. That's why Day of the Dead is just our kind of holiday! Seriously, what other holiday let's you decorate with skulls and skeletons, feast with your dearly departed and falls on the day after Halloween? (WINNING!) Anyway, this year Christine's Día de Muertos make-up was featured on the Skull-a-Day blog!
Skull-a-Day is a super cool site which is in it's 5th year of featuring some kind of skull everyday.
Check 'em out!
While it's nowhere near completed, we've slowly but surely been making restorations to SM HQ. It's probably always going to be a "work-in-progress" but it has come a long way and we even got some very cool roommates in the process! (Click HERE to read more about them... ;-))
Most recently, we've been cleaning out the library and have LOTS of books looking for new homes! We're giving away everything from Differential Diagnosis of Oral Lesions to The Physics of Stereo/Quad Sound. Of course you could also take the lot of them an create your own Alicia Martín-esque sculpture. Makes no difference to us - Honest!
Give us a shout to take 'em away! Rx, SM
Hidden on a non-descript length of Temple St., tucked behind a little white fence and under an equally plain sign reading only, ‘M’ (in English) are the two faded mint green doors of Dinner House M
Alas, it’s seems the rumors are finally true, the legendary night spot will be closing it’s doors officially after 24 years of keeping them open well past 2AM.
You can read the Los Angeles Times article which does a fairly good job of remaining neutral and providing a bit of history on the place. However, for anyone who’s ever frequented The M (from foreplay to gunplay) they all have a cherished story to tell. (Check out Yelp for further details…)
Our first encounter with the place was for a friends James Bond-themed birthday party. The venue could not have been more perfect, complete with classy drinks, gorgeous ladies singing various Bond theme songs and several guys arriving in full scuba gear only to strip down into surprisingly unwrinkled tuxedos! All of this with the Japanese fusion Jazz Bar as backdrop.
So, it was a no brainer that when Nurse Kitty Murphy was assigned to Operation Kitty Kitty Bang Bang that Dinner House M would be the spot to hold her going away party and also mark her final performance with Surgeon Marta to date. Like the Bond party before it, the evening was a memorable success.
We’ll always love Dinner House M for providing us with a relaxed vibe and intimate surroundings, an incredibly stocked sunken bar, good food and most nights a cool jazz combo playing in the corner where if you were lucky owner Miki would occasionally sing a number or two. We’ll love it for being just off the beaten path, a modern day speak easy where absolutely no questions were asked, especially not about one’s ID. We’ll love it for all the late night thrills and early morning raids by the LAPD Vice Squad. We’ll love it for it’s brazen views on liquor licenses, smoking codes and most especially kougouheika Miki Saito. Be sure to say your good-byes on or before Wednesday June 8th.
Ask anyone who’s just turned 21 if they feel or think any differently since the day they turned 18 and chances are good that not much has changed. The legal ramifications of 18 are already enough of a burden without telling someone they can’t have a beer for another 3 years let alone see their favorite band in a bar? It’s not just wrong, it’s cruel and unusual punishment, not to mention the real gateway to alternative substance acquirement!
So you can imagine our delight when Surgeon Marta was approached to play an all ages venue in Mar Vista this Saturday “Hells Yeahs” followed by “Shit there won’t be any booze?” (Only kidding!!!)
Doors open @ 8 pm with Franchot Tone (backed up by members of Jack Johnson, the Beastie Boys and the Culver City Dub Collective) putting the pedal to the floor at 9 pm, Surgeon Marta @ 10pm and roots n' punk sensations The Bad Bad Things @11pm
See you there!
Saturday, April 16th
Doors - 8PM / Show - 9PM
12257 Venice Boulevard Los Angeles, CA 90066 (323) 600-5050
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Merry X-Mas from Surgeon Marta
Greetings and Salutations! It maybe safe to say more things have changed in the last 10 years than the previous 50! How would you even begin to describe the rise & fall of MySpace, 9-11, Skype, The New World Order, Tweets, Facebook, Obama, U.F.C and Two Girls & a Cup to someone who just came out of a coma?
When I look back on 2010 it’s clearly been a year of change for SM. Yes some changes needed to happen and some we never even saw coming. Is this good news? You bet!! Now stand back cuz someone just kicked over the gasoline and things are about to get a little dangerous around here!
However before we all disappear in a great ball of Hellfire I’d like to add my wish list to the Chanta pile and thank all our friends and family for making the year of the Tiger so fur-tastic.
3) A worldwide ban on all GMO’s
4) A celebrity DUI arrest driving under the influence of Waldoze coffee.
6) Scorpio Music Festival 2
7) Finally just a thought about humanity's limitless capacity to inflict murder, torment and destruction on our fellow man. Could we dial it down to say hair pulling and name calling for 2011? Seriously we’re fucking sick of corrupt government and rapist corporations fucking everything up for everybody. - Thank you
Rxo, Dr. Chane
Ahh The Holidays. A time to reflect on all things good and wholesome. You've put in a good years work, now it's time to really cozy up and enjoy some quality time with family and friends and enjoy the last days of the year recapping the good times and going over the fun and fab events which made this a great year for Surgeon Marta. I am truly grateful for the chance to bring some of my scientifically dictated riffs to the bands repertoire and really enjoyed playing on the Queen Mary and at EastWest Studios to name but two of the myriad of shows this year. Many thanks to the Asian Valet at the art show in downtown who made parking and setting up so much more easy than it normally is....
Well I'm super excited to take a break from all the musings around science and genetics and the future of the planet to let you all know whats on Dr Cist's Chanu-Xmas list this year...
1. A Back Scatter X-Ray Machine. Yes I know it maybe a little pricey, (between $100 and $200 thousand) but come on folks its' well worth it. I'd really like one of these installed at the entrance to Cist Lair to make sure that no spooky men in caves or Al CIADA can engineer some sort of terrorist attack and then blame it on the Neighbors. I happen to like my neighbors. Also, think of all the fun Mrs. Cist will have as she subjects our guests to an enhanced pat down if they decide to OPT OUT. And don't worry unlike the TSA we promise not to store any of the images.... instead we'll take them to our local CVS and have them printed on mugs and coasters to give out as next years xmas pressies. See it's all about sharing the love!!!!
2. Mulitiple lap dances from a minnimum wage TSA worker. Well folks at $7 per hour imagine all the hijinks during "Stairway to Heaven" or "In la gadda la vidda" and these guys have the moves that even your hottest stripper at Crazy Girls can't get away with - AND It's even, according to the Government, completely legal and doesn't infringe whatsoever on your constitutional rights!!!!!!
Ohhhhhh this really batters my sausage...
And if someone could find me the guy mentioned in the video below - well that would make my Christmas...
Check this winner out!!!!!!!!!
3. Michio Kaku. Ever find yourself in a bit of a pickle? Ever need to invent a huge lie to get yourself out of an embarrassing situation? Come on we've all been a little red faced now and again... Well I give you Michio Kaku... Michio who? This guy has served up more bull than all the billions served at Mc Donalds and does it with such convoluted confusion even he has trouble sometimes with his delivery. As part of my wish list I need this guy's digits...
Here's a sample of his fine work... - Confucius say "I'm Confused"
4. Home cryogenics lab with dna splicing technology to make spider goats and Frankin Salmon. What Cist Holiday feast would be complete without some smoked frankensalmon and for my dear Grandma Cist a scarf made from a genetically modified spider silk...
5. Lastly I have always wanted a replica not of the Empire State building or the stupid Eiffel Tower no I need something more sinister... So this year I'm asking for a replica of the Georgia Stones. You can find out more about their amazing message HERE
Wow that isn't creepy now is it?
Now I know that some of these items are in the "Hard-to-Find" section but these are the things that are on my list and I hope that you'll all find it in your heart to get at least one of these items.
Thanks again and God Bless us one world government and all!!!!!!!
Rx, Dr Cist
It's that time of year again when the Pagan, Jewish and lapsed Catholic members of Surgeon Marta get together to give thanks, praise and reflection on the crazed adventure that was 2010... and of course, submit their list of demands to The Great Inquisitor in the sky.
First up is our international man of mystery and intrigue Dr. Eugene Cist.
Stay tuned as we keep the flames of expectations burning - at least for the next 8 days...
It seems the folks that own the Queen Mary have decided to challenge the October strangle-hold of Universal and Knott's Scary Farm by creating the biggest, baddest, out and out scare you witless Halloween Haunt this side of the Rocky Mountains... DARK HARBOR!!!!!!
Naturally they reached out to the wildest band in the land to provide an audio depth charge to your wettest nightmare. Things have been crazy here at SM HQ and if you want to find out just how crazy come on down to Long Beach this Sat for a full immersion hellride across the Seven Seas of Saturn!
Get Your Tickets: • Online at Ticketleap.com • Over the phone, call (562) 435-3511 (from 9:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m daily) • In person at the event box office starting at 5:30 p.m.
More info: The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor
Gates open @ 6PM - Show starts @ 8pm Sharp - ALL AGES!
Tune-in to ErrorFM to hear Surgeon Marta like you've never heard them before... TURNED DOWN!
That's right we'll be LIVE in the ErrorFM studios preforming all your favorite SM tunes but with a major decrease in volume. (You could almost call it un-plugged - but we won't!)
Listen closely as we gather around a large expensive microphone to preform audibly coherent versions of songs you thought you knew the lyrics too, but now finally will!
PLUS: As things have taken an audiophile direction we're also pleased to announce the additional presence of power-house tenor and recent America's Got Talent alumni - HANNIBAL MEANS!
Streaming LIVE Around the World Sat. Aug. 28th - starting @ 6pm PDT onBuddhaMan's International Experience!
Hear you there!
www.ErrorFM.com 6PM - 11PM PDT
Usually when we give a shout out it’s something along the lines of “umm oops... Who can help us raise some bail money?”
This time however it’s to share some fun-tastic news with y’all! Our friend and vocal mentor (the man who helped us put the high seas in high C) Hannibal Means appears tonight on AMERICA’S GOT TALENT. The show fell into disrepute after last years “chicken chaser” fiasco so it seems they searched a little harder this time round to find some real talent.
As a former protégée of Nina Simone, Hannibal has the pipes to knock the roof of the Staple Center and that’s just when he’s warming up! Suffice it to say it’s not often that a man with Hannibal's gifts (and dare we say it eccentricities) appears on primetime TV in front of a large mainstream audience.
So our request is simple tune in TONIGHT @ 9pm/(8pm central) on NBC and VOTE VOTE VOTE!
FYI: You can vote up to 10 times via text and email!
Help put the “fuck yeah” back into “what the fuck was that?!?"
We love you all and don’t miss this for the world. Rx, SM